Grief is a funny thing. Its crazy how it can just come and hit you out of nowhere. My first son's birthday was in September. He would have been five years old. He would have been in pre-k. I wonder, would he have liked trains and trucks? Would he have played tee-ball? Would his hair still be black or would it have turned lighter like his sister's? I wonder how he and his new little brother would be getting along? All of these things I wonder. I can't help it. His death wasn't just the death of an infant, it was the death of a childhood; an entire life. It leaves a million 'I wonders' and 'imagine what could have beens.' It will never get better for me. It just gets a little easier. I have hope and that gives me peace and joy, even though it doesn't offer any comfort. I can do without comfort. I just thank God that I was able to hold him. I thank God that I earned a new appreciation for life and I realize just what a blessing children are. Being part of His creativity was God's intention for humankind all along and I do not want to take that for granted in any area of my life, be it my children, my marriage or my ministry. Funny thing grief is; how much it can teach us.