Christmas came and went in a flash, didn't it? I have to admit I was having a hard time getting into the "Christmas spirit" this year. Maybe because I am too tired. (I haven't slept the whole night through but twice since the middle of last January.)


On Christmas Eve we went to my in-laws house so that all of the grand kids, my two children included, could open their presents. It was nice. My son and my nephew were both enjoying their first Christmas. They always play with the television remote at my in-laws house so both of the babies received toy remotes. My daughter received some nice clothes from her grandparents. I enjoyed watching the children having a fun time, but it still did not feel like Christmas. I thought maybe I was turning into Scrooge. It seemed like any other day, save the presents part.


At midnight, Christmas morning, the NBC station here aired the Midnight Mass from the Vatican. I watched the entire broadcast and by the Eucharist, tears were rolling down my face. I realized I had been trying to catch some spirit named Christmas when all along I should have been searching out the spirit of Christ. Ultimately it is not about trees and decorations and presents. It is about a child who was born to show humanity a better way. Not only that; we, because of his life, death and resurrection are able to become part of him. We are invited to partake and become part of his body. I am invited to become part of the love and creativity of God. Its amazing. It makes all the other "things" we do during Christmas seem so trivial. With this in mind I determined to focus on the important things and truly enjoy the season.


Christmas day was spent at my in-laws, again. We ate turkey and dressing. I was happy for my mother-in-law, especially, because she was able to spend the day with all four of her sons. After we went home that evening we opened presents at home. The baby was especially fond of a music box that he received and my daughter was excited to have a digital pet. (Evidently it is a stuffed animal that allows one to have access to a virtual world of stuffed animals.) Also on Christmas day I was able to see a friend of mine that I had not seen for a year. It was wonderful. We had both had a baby this year and I enjoyed meeting her baby girl and introducing her to my baby boy.


The following day, Friday, I drove to my Grandmother's house to spend a couple of days with my side of the family. My husband came in late that night because he had to work. It was so nice to see all of my family. My aunt and my cousin had not met the baby yet, so it was extra special. My dad was there as well. He usually has a hard time coming to visit anyone because of his work schedule, so it was really great that he made it. It has been a while since the whole family was together like that. On Saturday we opened presents and ate turkey and dressing. I thought about the most important thing about the "spirit of Christmas"; the love of God. I see the love of God in the faces of my family members. When we love, we are participating in the divine. What a wonderful gift from God. I am so happy to receive this gift; I am so happy to give it.

I remember when I took a family studies course in college that we talked about the Nature v. Nurture Theory. You know the one; do people behave in certain ways because they are genetically predisposed to or because they have been modeling parental behavior? I think most scientists in this field agree that it is probably a combination of the two. (Remember those studies done on identical twins separated at birth?) I say all of this because I was watching the baby today and began to ponder this theory. The floor in the living room had several of his toys for him to play with but where does he go? Straight to my bookshelf! He loves books, and not in the ordinary 'books are good food' baby way of loving books. He will pull them off the shelf one at a time and carefully look through them. I had previously assumed he like looking at the bright pictures in his own books, thus explaining his affinity. This is not the only case. He will look through my non-illustrated books with the same interest. It is fascinating to watch him and wonder, Nature or Nurture or some of both?

It is so cold outside. It is 32, but the wind is quite a bit colder. Yesterday the cold front blew through. It was beautiful. There was just a little rain around five thirty. The sun was low in the sky and there was a double rainbow, (just a reminder that the earth is truly lovely.)

My daughter is prepared for the front. She is wishing for snow. I'm afraid it will not happen this front. In the spirit of the cold, however, she decorated her door. It is so neat. She did it all by hand, without scissors or any tool. She is so creative!

The baby is not fond of the cold. He is always fighting being covered, trying with all his might to get out of the blankets. This was not the case today. He stuck his hand out of the blankets I had covering him when I carried him to the car this afternoon. He whimpered and pulled his hand back in. That wind was like nothing he has ever experienced. I'm glad we bought him a heavy winter coat last week. Its a bit too big for him but he will be warm. I have to admit, though, he looks a little like the kid from A Christmas Story!

Every parent loves to brag about their children and I am no exception. Yesterday I was going through the pile of graded work my daughter brought home from school. About three times a week her class is assigned to make a list of words that conform to a certain rule. They are just to write words that come to mind without the help of a dictionary or any other source. It is intended to get the children thinking. The list I read in the above-mentioned pile contained words that ended in "ist." Remember, my daughter is in the third grade and is eight years old. Here is her list:

List

Cartoonist

Tourist

Geologist

Violinist

Neurologist

Scientist

She did not misspell anything. I am impressed.

While I am bragging let me not forget to mention that the baby, for the first time, stood alone the day before yesterday. He was holding onto the chair I was sitting in and he started to play pat-a-cake with me. He was so focused on clapping his hands he forgot he was not holding on anymore. He gasped and grabbed the chair again. It was so cute!

We had a really nice Thanksgiving. The trip ended up being quite an adventure. We drove down to my grandmother's house Tuesday afternoon. I left a bit later than I had originally planned because Monday was so hectic that I had no time to pack. Because we were in such a hurry I was not thinking when I selected my shoes for the day. My husband bought me the cutest black heels last weekend and I slipped these on as we left the house. When we arrived at my grandmother's we went to the supermarket. The store did not have disinfectant wipes to wipe the cart baby seat with like the store in my town. I ended up carrying the baby for what seemed like forever in the supermarket. My three-inch heels were looking cute but not feeling so hot. I was feeling tired when we came back to her house. The "fun" was not over for the day. The baby spiked a fever, 102, around eight-thirty that evening. To the emergency room we went. My daughter has bronchitis so I assumed that the baby did too. At ten they released us after giving the baby a clean bill of health. I do not know why he is feeling bad. I think he might be teething. I was exhausted at the end of the day but at least I had switched to my tennis shoes before the trip to the hospital.

Wednesday was fairly uneventful, thank goodness. Thanksgiving was really nice. My uncle was able to join us and my husband drove in Wednesday night. I had originally offered to do all the cooking but my grandmother ended up cooking the turkey and the dressing. She also made the fruit salad and baked a pecan pie, (yum). All I did was make the cheesecake pie, the green bean casserole and whip the potatoes. Everything was great. It was especially great spending time with my family.

Last night I saved this post to this point as a draft. I am picking up today at this point. The baby was very sick last night. He had fever and was coughing so badly he was nearly throwing up. We took him to the ER here in town. Four hours later the doctor saw us and it turns out he has an ear infection and an infection in his throat. I had a feeling he was sick. That is why I took him to the ER Tuesday night. Last night the doctor prescribed him an antibiotic. He also had a dose in the ER. He spent the remainder of the night, (we arrived home at three in the morning,) without a fever. He is on the road to getting better now. My daughter is also recovering well from her bout with bronchitis.

Yesterday the cold front came in. The wind was cold. Its a little too cool to let the baby play outside anymore. With this upcoming cold in mind I took the kids to the childrens park here in town last week. The park was recently completely updated. It was the first time we had been there since the renovation. It is really nice. It has foam underfoot in case of a fall. (I remember there was nothing but hard dirt under the swings at the park when I was little.) All the equipment is brand new. They have things for children of all ages. Both my daughter and the baby had fun. The baby loved the slides! Playing inside can be fun but nothing beats the outside play in the warmer weather.

I love the holiday season and all that comes with it. However, I find that I really miss my family this time of year. I really miss my parents and my little brother and sister. I wanted to go to my parents house for Thanksgiving so badly but it is just not possible right now. They live too far for me to travel with my ten month old son. He just hates being in the car. You can mention the word "car" and he begins getting stressed. He cries so hard he begins gagging himself on the way to the doctor's office, forty-five minutes away! I can not imagine driving for seven hours! I am going to go to my grandmother's house, one hour away, though. My daughter can sit in the back seat next to the baby to try and keep him occupied and calm. My husband will drive down and join us for Thanksgiving dinner. My grandmother was going to be alone this Thanksgiving so I am glad I will be there with her. Its a smaller family gathering than I would like but I do cherish the time I have with my grandmother. I'm thankful for the time with any of my family but I'll still be missing my parents and siblings.

My daughter placed third in the UIL spelling competition. I am very proud of her. She did not place in the writing competition but she did her best. That is whats important. She is probably going to read a poem in the upcoming Christmas program. She is very excited about this as only she and one other child were chosen. I am so glad that she is very smart. She has her own ideas and opinions about things. It is amazing, really, to watch a child grow and development mentally. I see some of myself and some of my husband in her but she is truly unique. What a gift she is. I thank God every day for blessing me with my beautiful daughter.

Halloween went well here. I took my daughter and my two nieces trick-or-treating. I carried the baby as we walked up and down the blocks. He did really well for an hour and a half. His Grandma watched him for the final thirty minutes I had the girls.

An interesting thing happened. At one of the first houses we went to the lady gave my daughter twice as much candy as my nieces and told her, 'because you're pretty.' I brushed it off. Well, this happened repeatedly last night at eight or more houses. Yes, my daughter is pretty but so are my nieces. How unfair that one should get more candy than another. I don't want my daughter to think that "pretty" is dependable and that "less pretty" is less deserving. "Pretty" is only an opinion. My younger niece asked me if her makeup was ugly. I reassured her that she looked beautiful, which she did. I talked to the girls and told them that sometimes adults make comments without thinking and we focused on the fun again.

All in all, everyone had fun and looked great! It was a happy Halloween.

Grief is a funny thing. Its crazy how it can just come and hit you out of nowhere. My first son's birthday was in September. He would have been five years old. He would have been in pre-k. I wonder, would he have liked trains and trucks? Would he have played tee-ball? Would his hair still be black or would it have turned lighter like his sister's? I wonder how he and his new little brother would be getting along? All of these things I wonder. I can't help it. His death wasn't just the death of an infant, it was the death of a childhood; an entire life. It leaves a million 'I wonders' and 'imagine what could have beens.' It will never get better for me. It just gets a little easier. I have hope and that gives me peace and joy, even though it doesn't offer any comfort. I can do without comfort. I just thank God that I was able to hold him. I thank God that I earned a new appreciation for life and I realize just what a blessing children are. Being part of His creativity was God's intention for humankind all along and I do not want to take that for granted in any area of my life, be it my children, my marriage or my ministry. Funny thing grief is; how much it can teach us.

My daughter started playing soccer. Her team is called the Rapids. The league is ages six through eight. What a huge difference in size between a six-year-old and an eight-year-old! The team they played today was predominantly six-year-olds and her team is on the opposite end of the age range. My they looked like giants! They won by a significant margin, and I found myself cheering for the little kids on the other team when they scored their two goals. I just love watching young children play organized sports. Its hilarious because organization of any sort is not a skill well mastered by a child. Now put a group of children together and watch them try to organize themselves into a team. Its wonderful to watch. My daughter is having a lot of fun out there, and hopefully she'll learn a few things about working together with others. That's whats important, win or lose.

So, Halloween is coming up. The baby is going to be a pirate. We bought his costume at Burlington's. Its too cute! My daughter, on the other hand, is going to be a...a...well...I don't actually know. She has black feathered wings and a witch hat with black feathers. My Grandma bought it for her last time we visited her. So, I'm not sure what she'll be. I thought she could be a raven maybe, and instead of saying trick or treat she could say nevermore. She didn't understand that, and only about half of the door-answerers would. Then I thought she could sing outside after it got dark. Then she'd be a black bird singing in the dead of night. Not too many would get that either. Then I thought she could be a hoopoe. Nobody would get that, (by the way, a million points if you understand that.) Who knows? She suggested that she could be a black angel. I'm not sure she understands the implications of that suggestion. I suppose she'll be a little girl with a witch hat and black wings. I'm sure she'll still collect plenty of candy. She'll still have a good time and that's what is important.

I can not believe it. The baby is nine months old! My, it goes fast. I was thinking about the day he arrived last night. It seems like yesterday in a lot of ways. It was an exciting day. I remember I was in denial that I was in labor for hours. I woke up at one in the morning with contractions and, for some reason, thought that if I did laundry that they would stop. Two loads washed and dried later, I was still contracting regularly. Maybe a hot bath. Thirty minutes later and still contracting. I already had it all planned in my mind how the labor and birth would go and this was not it. It was two weeks early! Finally around four I packed our things for the hospital. I woke my husband and told him I was in labor and that he should get up. He said okay and went back to sleep. At six-thirty the pain was getting intense so I woke him up again, this time with a more serious tone. We left for the hospital at seven and arrived at the ER before eight. Its funny, (now), because the whole time we were driving to the hospital my husband was calling everyone while I was screaming. When we arrived at the ER the girl behind the counter asked me to indicate my level of pain according to a smiley face chart. Seriously?! When they wheeled me up to labor and delivery I was begging for some pain relief. It was not to be. I was dilated to seven and less than an hour later the baby was born. When the nurse told me it was too late for any pain relief I actually went through the five stages of grief! I denied, bargained, became angry and depressed before accepting that I would have to push this baby out sans any help. He was born pink and perfect, my little boy. When I saw that he was okay and heard him cry the pain I had experienced became a non-issue. Then they handed me my newborn son. Life just doesn't get any better than that and I was finally experiencing that again.

When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived; but when she has given birth to a child, she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy that a child has been born into the world. John 16.21, NAB

I've just finished reading the Aeneid of Virgil, (its great; I highly reccomend it.) Its about the Trojans driven by fate to Latium, in order to found Rome. It is very fast paced reading, especially the second half or so. Its a wonderful poem. It was Virgil's life long ambition to write the poem and he died while researching places in Greece that he wished to include in Aenea's wonderings. On his deathbed he willed that the unfinished manuscripts be burned! It was overuled by Augustus, thankfully. Its crazy to think that this great poem was nearly destroyed. I wonder how many great works were destroyed or lost to time? Think about Alexandria. Its tragic. I encourage anyone to read this poem with its near loss in mind. Happy reading!

Have you ever run into a friend from high school and thought, 'man, she looks old.' Then, you realize that you are the exact same age and look just as old! Life is funny like that. Sometimes its hard to see yourself the way you really are. If I really examine my life, though, the years are quickly passing by. My daughter is in the third grade! It sounds unreal. Its like she was born yesterday. In this time again she will be 16! I think I can wait for that time. The holidays and the new year are soon approaching and shortly thereafter the baby will be a year old. I am still trying, but as of yet, I have been unsuccessful in slowing the days. The days continue to just run into one another. Seriously though, its okay. The days are not important to me, its the moments that count. My daughter was chosen to compete in the UIL competition for spelling and creative writing. She was glowing with excitement and pride when she told me after school. I'm saving that moment. When the baby first crawled he turned around and smiled at me. I'm keeping that one too. Life is good like that.

So, I have decided not to be an Avon Independent Sales Representative anymore. (Wow, that was a mouthful.) It is really a lot of work and, as it turns out for me, a lot of trouble. I had a customer write me a hot check for twenty-four dollars. My bank charged me six dollars on top of that. It is so frustrating. Not only am I out that money, the customer is probably not going to pay, and if she pays at all it will not be in time for me to avoid a late fee on my payment. This job just did not turn out to be as great as I thought it would be. It turned out not to be great at all. I think in order to make any meaningful money it takes more time and energy than I have right now. Taking payments from people is awful for me as well. This is by far the worst case I have experienced but this particular customer is not the only one who has given me headaches when it comes to paying on time. I have merchandise here that people have ordered and not payed for. (If you are interested in discount product let me know.) As soon as I pay for this last campaign I'm out. Its a relief really. So, what did I learn from my foray into the world of cosmetic sales? Don't. Just don't.

Today was the first day of the Bible study I am teaching for the women of our church. I have been looking forward to this for the last two weeks. Teaching is what I love to do. It gives me and opportunity to do two of my favorite things, study and read, on my own terms. This is my element. It went well and everyone seems excited about the study. It feels good to teach adults. Don't get me wrong, I love my youth at church but I'm better with adults. The jail ministry is going well, too. I don't do a whole lot of teaching there; more than anything I listen and pray. It feels so satisfying to know that I get to do what I love. Life really is good. I have my two beautiful children, a great husband, good family and work I'm passionate about. It has taken a long time to arrive at this place and it feels good to finally be here.

So, early this morning hurricane Ike made its way onshore in Galveston. I have been praying for all my family that live in East Texas within the path of this storm. My aunt lives very near Houston and I was especially worried about her and my cousin, her daughter. As it turns out, they are fine. My parents, who live between Houston and Dallas, are okay as well. They are without power, but that is the worst that they experienced. My little brother, who is about 100 miles east of my parents is perfectly fine. He is taking pictures of the damage in his town, which is mainly downed trees. So, thank God my family members are fine. I do not want to fail to mention, however, that many people did lose their lives in this storm. Think about all those tiny islands that Ike just ran over before making its way to the Texas shore. Its hard to imagine the damage that these islands incur every time a hurricane or tropical storm passes over them. These are mainly small nations with poor people with substandard dwelling and no high ground. God be with them in their loss. I hope that we here in the States are mindful of these people, who receive very little media coverage, while we are following the news as the damage here is assessed.

So, yesterday it rained. It actually rained a lot. I took the baby out on the front porch to see the rain. He looked so shocked! What happened to the outside? Everything was dark and wet. There were new sounds and sights! I walked down the steps of the porch to let him feel the raindrops on his hands and face for a few seconds. He started looking up at the sky, with deep concern in his eyes. Where was this water coming from? Amazing. Everything is so new. Everything is appreciated for its uniqueness. Rain makes a wonderful sound. When is the last time I listened? Rain makes everything smell differently. When is the last time I noticed? Life is really full of wonder. I think it is easy to forget that. Who knew my baby boy had so much to teach me. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to see the world through my infant son's eyes.

So, I'm beginning a blog. This is really a great idea, (thanks Melissa.) I'm brand new at this so bear with me. I'd like to be able to express what I'm feeling and what is going on in my life on this blog, (possibly even discuss books I'm reading?!) The idea of having some kind of forum in my life to have intelligent adult conversation. I'm with my children all day,(well, Ilana just half of the day since school resumed.) Raymond does not get home until late most nights, leaving little time for conversation. I'm not unhappy with the situation, just looking for an outlet for intellectual stimulation. So, here is this blog that I am attempting to establish. Welcome all readers.